Squirrel Stapler

My first impression of Squirrel Stapler was that someone had made a joke game and accidentally made something genuinely unsettling. You start in a cabin, rifle in hand, with a daily quota of squirrels to hunt and staple onto a corpse. That loop sounds like a shaggy-dog prank, and for about the first twenty minutes it plays like one. Then the woods start pushing back. The core mechanics are deliberately simple. You carry a bolt-action rifle that needs a reload between every shot, which forces patience over aggression. There is a visibility and noise meter, so sprinting or firing carelessly draws attention. Ammo stations, health pickups, and energy drinks (which briefly double your movement speed) are scattered across a nonlinear map, so learning the terrain matters. Early days are quiet enough that this feels like a lo-fi hunting sim crossed with a 90s edutainment parody, right down to scattered squirrel fact notes that start as genuinely banal wildlife trivia and slowly curdle into threats. By day three, ghost squirrels appear with a faint wail and need a quick shot before they drain your health. By day four, Squirrel Bears, massive hybrid creatures attracted to loud noises and gunfire, show up and can drop you in a single charge-and-explosion. Managing ammo while staying quiet enough not to summon one is where the tension lives, and it works. What keeps this from being a throwaway bit is the layered storytelling. Notes across the map tell a separate horror fable about an artist and a painting, and the squirrel facts escalate in a way that would be funny if they did not also feel like a countdown. A geocache sidequest unlocks Giant Squirrels mode for a second run. The final day ratchets the dread up methodically, and the ending, built around the forest god known as the Goat of the Wood, is exactly as unhinged as the setup earns. The Dusk-era low-poly aesthetic fits the tone perfectly: colorful enough to feel odd, rough enough to feel off. The honest limitation is runtime. A single playthrough clears in around ninety minutes, 100 percent achievements included, and there is not much reason to return beyond Giant Squirrels mode. Szymanski fans and horror-curious players who enjoyed Iron Lung or Chop Goblins will feel right at home with the pacing and the humor. If you need a ten-hour game to feel satisfied, this is not built for you. But if you want something that does one specific weird thing with total confidence and sticks the landing, Squirrel Stapler delivers exactly that.

Alex · Scout Team

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