150,000 B.C.

I want to be fair here, because every game starts somewhere. 150,000 B.C. is clearly an early, probably first, attempt at making a game and it shows in every pixel. You play a club-wielding caveman navigating four short side-scrolling levels built almost entirely from a single dirt-block tile, jumping over spikes to reach a portal that sends you to the next stage. That is the entire game. No weapon use in actual gameplay, no enemies, no progression system, nothing that meaningfully evolves from level one to level four. The controls are the biggest problem. Jumps register inconsistently, and the collision detection is so loose that you can clip through platform edges using your character's head as a ledge-grabbing tool. Falling out of the map is a real possibility, and when it happens you restart the whole thing because there is no save system. The single music track runs for about thirty seconds, cuts out, and never loops. After that you play in silence until you die. The background tears down the middle of the screen like a broken TV signal throughout the entire runtime. To put the length in perspective: the game has been completed in under eight minutes on a first playthrough. With Steam achievements included, players report full completion in under ten. There is no replay value, no difficulty curve, no secrets. The four levels are short and largely samey, using one repeating background image and one obstacle type across all of them. Is there a player for this? Honestly, not really, unless you are a Steam achievement collector who received a key for free and has fifteen minutes to spare. Even then, the buggy jumping and the chance of falling through the map make those achievements less of a guaranteed quick unlock and more of a minor ordeal. At any price above zero it is very difficult to make a case for this one.

Alex · Scout Team

Catch-all

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