Catch The Kids: Priest Simulator Game

My honest reaction when I first looked up this one: the title alone is doing most of the content moderation work on any stream where you try to play it. Catch The Kids: Priest Simulator Game is a low-budget indie action title from solo developer Fon Danyrotsky, released in 2019, built around a simple chase loop where you play as Father Nick and tag as many kids as possible while also dealing with opponents, enemies, and bosses. The Steam page itself felt compelled to clarify that the hero is saving the kids from evil, not doing something darker. That disclaimer being baked into the product description tells you everything about the title's branding problem. From a pure gameplay loop standpoint, you have a catch-and-chase mechanic with PvP and local co-op on top. The game supports split-screen PvP and co-op, which is technically the most interesting thing here. If you have three people on the same couch and genuinely nothing else queued up, there is a thin novelty window where the simple tagging mechanic can produce a laugh or two. The boss fights add a layer of structure beyond the catch loop, but with a total review count in the low double digits and a community small enough that the developer is still conditional-promising future free content based on reception, do not expect the PvP meta to be developed, balanced, or populated online. From where I sit, the core problems are not fixable by a patch. There is no evident netcode investment here, no weapon system, no movement tech to learn. The time-to-kill on any engagement with enemy characters reads as basic collision logic rather than a tuned combat system. Achievements are present, which is the standard sub-five-dollar checkbox. The macOS build is officially broken on anything running Catalina or above, so Mac and Linux players should verify compatibility before committing. Languages are broad, covering eleven including English, Russian, Japanese, and Korean, which is one of the more polished things about the release. This is not a game for anyone who arrived here searching for a real multiplayer experience with legs. The local co-op and split-screen PvP modes are the only reasons it clears a zero. If you genuinely need something cheap to project onto a TV for a very casual couch session and the premise does not bother you, the bar is low enough to step over once. That said, with zero active community, no post-launch content updates confirmed, and a 50-50 split in its handful of user reviews, longevity is measured in minutes, not hours.

Fred · Scout Team

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